Saying I Do!

Marriage is not something we just decide to do on a whim, at least I hope not. The decision to marry is part of a long process. There are four distinct steps in the marriage process and each step has a specific purpose. Notice I said distinct not vague or abstract. Those steps are:

1. Date -

• Date a variety of people and do a variety of activities to see what you like and what you don't like. In other words think of those you date as ice cream flavors. You must try all the flavors to decide which is your favorite.

2. Courtship -

• Most people now-a-days don't court someone as was done years ago. But this time can be considered your "trial run." You are dating this person but you continue to do a variety of activities to get to know one another to see if you mesh.

 3. Engagement -

• You now have a ring on her finger and a date set. You are both saying, "We will marry!" During this time you and your fiance should be making decisions together, practicing sacrificing for and with each other, establishing boundaries around your new relationship and family system, solving problems, and relying on each other.
• An important thing to remember during this time is that you should spend more time planning your marriage than planning your wedding. Your wedding will be one day, but your marriage will last forever.

4. Marriage -

• Finally you are married and as such your first priority is one another. During this time you each should be attentive to one another. Go on a honey moon away from everyone else. Take this time to be husband and wife and to become a new family distinct from all others.

Finding Your Knight in Shining Armor

How do you find a life partner? Where in the world is the person that you'll spend the rest of your life with? They are most likely right out your front door. Literally! People tend to date those people that are close to them. It's called propinquity. Funny word right?! That's why most long distant relationships don't work out so well - your not close so you can't be as involved with each other. Your life mate will obviously be the most attractive person on the Earth! and you will have the same interests and hobbies. These 3 things, propinquity, physical attractiveness, and similarities, are how people tend to find dates and ultimately a life partner. Then once you've found someone to date you may be asking, "is it love?"

What is love? How do you describe such a strong, deep emotion? I think love is a strong feeling you have that draws you to a person and motivates you to be better. The Greeks defined 4 different kinds of love. They are:

• Agape - love that is independent of feelings; you are more concerned about their well-being. This can be called charity.
• Eros - sexual and romantic love. It is most often associated with passionate love.
• Philia - love between friends. It is like a brotherly love.
• Storge - love between parents and children. There is a connection, a commitment, and a responsibility with this type of love.

Which kind of love is most important when dating or in a marriage? I believe that you need all 4 kinds of love, especially in a marriage.  Love starts out as Eros, the passionate love. The honeymoon stage of dating and marriage is all about passion - you can't get enough of each other. However, as time passes and you get to know one another more and more the love starts to evolve into varying degrees of all the other kinds of love. You love your spouse so much - there is a connection, you are committed, and you feel responsible for them and their well-being. Your love has gone from being on the surface to a deep and abiding love of passion and friendship. This is the most valuable kind of love, I believe, because this deep, abiding, companionate love creates unity - you and your spouse become one. I have only been married for about 10 months now, but I have seen and felt the love I have for my husband grow and deepen. I have loved getting to know more about him and I love that I will be able to get to know him more and grow closer to him in the years to come. I love you babe! :)

Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better!

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

 -The Family: A Proclamation to the World

         Men and women are different! Those are the cold hard facts! We each have a divine nature about us. Men were created to fill a different role than women. Men are to provide and protect their families while women are to nurture and care for children. The nature of men makes them better suited to provide for and protect. While the nature of women makes them better suited to nurture and care for children. Now this does not mean that men can't nurture and that women can't provide. They can! There are many stay-at-home dads and working mothers! I just said better suited not the only one who can do the job. Men are generally (usually but not always) better able to focus on one thing at a time and are better at spacial orientation. (That's why they're so good at sports and video games.) Women generally (usually but not always) are more emotional and are better at articulating words for communicating. (That's why they can respond to a baby's needs automatically.) This is mostly due to the fact that our brains are run by different hormones. Men have more testosterone and women have more estrogen. These are different hormones/chemicals so it makes sense that we would think differently because they operate differently. If we can just accept the fact that we are different and embrace it we can better help each other out. The differences between men and women are meant to complement one another not compete against each other. They are meant to help us work together to achieve a common goal! We each have a divine nature about us. Gender is important and so are the roles associated with being a male or a female. I know that as we each fulfill our different roles as men and women we will be a happier and healthier people.

Righteous Judgement

If you watched this episode of Boy Meets World I shouldn't have to say anything else, you would understand the purpose of this post. However, I will put my two cents in anyway. :)
     
          Think back to your high school days. Who were the cool kids? Who were the nerdy kids? Who were the rebels? We all knew then and can even remember now who belonged to what group. In high school those groups were called cliques. In the real world they're called social classes and are based off money instead of coolness. Some people have nice paying jobs that allow them to live comfortably while others are constantly working and struggle to make ends meet. We are all just people trying to make a living and create a name and life for ourselves. Whether or not we achieve this and how easily we achieve this depends on our different  backgrounds. We are all different and are born into different circumstances.  Having money doesn't make you important and being poor doesn't make you dirt. We are all people and we are all God's children. He loves us all the same no matter what our paycheck is. After all, we can't buy our way into Heaven! In the Holy Bible in John 7:24 we are reminded not to judge according to appearance, but to make righteous judgements. And in 1 Samuel 16:7 we are told that men look on the outward appearance of others, but that the Lord looketh upon the heart. This is what righteous judgement is - looking on the heart, having charity, and loving all of God's children for who they are, not for their money. Remember, the love of money is the root of all evil (1Timothy 6:10). So why are we, as humans, so quick to judge one another? I know I have been guilty many times of making unrighteous judgments about people. I think she's ugly or he's short or she's stuck up, etc. I always have to keep reminding myself that whoever I judge is a child of God and that I should love them as He does. The above episode of Boy Meets World shows us that it really doesn't matter what social class you belong to or how much money you have, it's the people that matter. I think this is an important lesson for all of us, especially myself, to learn and to remember.